Is it a Test or a Punishment

Lately it seems as if every action is against me. Living with family, losing a vehichle, being annihilated from friends, being left out, no one to talk to, behavior issues with the kids, constant arguments with the spouse, silent days, no space to escape to, feeling lost and defeated in my spirit, not feeling like God is around or even listening - the voice I hear is my own. How do I discern what decision is right or wrong? Who do I look to for answers when I feel all alone? Is this a test of my faith? Or is this a punishment for my past? *sigh* God it's me...are you there?

10.30.13

My name, you ask?

Well let me tell what my name is NOT....my name is not DUMB, STUPID, CRAZY, LAZY....what I'm not is a pushover. What I can't stand is someone who does wrong and can't say they were wrong or a simple "I'm an ass and I'm sorry".

I don't force anyone to be friends with me or to spend any amount of time with me - why are you here? If you don't like me, love me or respect me....GO AWAY! My life can easily adjust without your toxic vibes. 10.29.13

Rock Bottom Indeed

You never realize how on top of the world you are until you see ROCK BOTTOM.  Convicted. Hospitalized. Laid off.  Unemployed. Repossession.  Eviction. Another repossession. Counseling.  Therapy. Depression.  How do you lead a family when you're living a life of defeat?? I don't get it.  Misery is not an attractive trait. So sick of how I have allowed these decisions to corner me in this slump I'm in right now.  Praying the good Lord has mercy on me soon. 10.23.2013

Head?

How is it that you want me to follow you but you never know where to go, how to get there or what to do once you get there? And even more importantly, if you get the motivation to start the journey, you refuse to ask for directions. ..I'm not feeling very good about this situation but I will say I am definitely learning a lot at this point. #1 You cannot handle leadership.  #2 You would be easily swayed #3 You are on your way out of office #4 I need to step up my game. 10.05.2013