Thanksgiving 2013

As I sit in front of a storage unit where all of my life's belongings sit, I still look to the Hills from which cometh my strength and faith! I may not have a permanent residence but my kids have a roof over their heads and their lives have remained  sort of normalcy. My heart aches everyday but I know that better is coming. My marriage has been put to the test but for better or worse my God has sent a partner for my weak days. I believe in my soul that God is preparing us to be a mighty blessing to someone.....soon! We may be uncomfortable now but don't count us out. Today I am grateful... eternally grateful For the family I married into. Gratefulfor the mother in law that selfishly gives of herself daily for others! Grateful For a church family and Pastor that pray for me and encourage me when I'm down. Today I am grateful for my own faith because where would I be? Thank you God for loving me. Happy Thanksgiving.
11.28.2013

Is it a Test or a Punishment

Lately it seems as if every action is against me. Living with family, losing a vehichle, being annihilated from friends, being left out, no one to talk to, behavior issues with the kids, constant arguments with the spouse, silent days, no space to escape to, feeling lost and defeated in my spirit, not feeling like God is around or even listening - the voice I hear is my own. How do I discern what decision is right or wrong? Who do I look to for answers when I feel all alone? Is this a test of my faith? Or is this a punishment for my past? *sigh* God it's me...are you there?

10.30.13

My name, you ask?

Well let me tell what my name is NOT....my name is not DUMB, STUPID, CRAZY, LAZY....what I'm not is a pushover. What I can't stand is someone who does wrong and can't say they were wrong or a simple "I'm an ass and I'm sorry".

I don't force anyone to be friends with me or to spend any amount of time with me - why are you here? If you don't like me, love me or respect me....GO AWAY! My life can easily adjust without your toxic vibes. 10.29.13

Rock Bottom Indeed

You never realize how on top of the world you are until you see ROCK BOTTOM.  Convicted. Hospitalized. Laid off.  Unemployed. Repossession.  Eviction. Another repossession. Counseling.  Therapy. Depression.  How do you lead a family when you're living a life of defeat?? I don't get it.  Misery is not an attractive trait. So sick of how I have allowed these decisions to corner me in this slump I'm in right now.  Praying the good Lord has mercy on me soon. 10.23.2013

Head?

How is it that you want me to follow you but you never know where to go, how to get there or what to do once you get there? And even more importantly, if you get the motivation to start the journey, you refuse to ask for directions. ..I'm not feeling very good about this situation but I will say I am definitely learning a lot at this point. #1 You cannot handle leadership.  #2 You would be easily swayed #3 You are on your way out of office #4 I need to step up my game. 10.05.2013

8/19/13 Monday

Day #1
I start things with the best of intentions and never follow thru. On my 36th birthday last week; I decided I wanted to journal my prayers. Well I haven't started but it's weighing heavy in my conscience and I keep "remembering" that's what I said I wanted to do. . . Don't know if that's ME reminded me or God. But nonetheless. I'm headed out in a few to get my journal. My purpose is to hold myself accountable. For if I continuously go to God in prayer and don't put in my own WORK how can I expect a change. My Faith is real. My God is awesome but isn't my walk suppose to change me from the inside out? YES! So my actions and thoughts and definitely my prayers should reflect GROWTH.

My life - will not be televised - but if you follow me, LOL you'll get a front row seat!

D.Weems

Truth be told. . .

Truth be told, I should have my own psychic hotline. Truth be told, I knew this before it all played out. Truth be told this was the very thing that has been spiritually keeping me imprisoned. Truth be told CHAINS WILL BE BROKEN today. Truth be told it's been a resolution I've been battling for 7 years. Today I leave things #BEHIND. I break the hold that you had over me and my soul. Go back to the womb because you're just not fully developed yet. I'm missing out on a blessing that God has for me because I can't hear him. Because I keep making the same mistake over and over again.  I need to break away and not allow your negativity to leech off of me any longer. I'm tired. Tired of fighting for something that's not genuine.  Something that is not mine. It's not real. I've been trying to hold on to an image of love while the true definition of false imagery was manifesting right before my eyes with each passing day.

I hold a very high standard in my heart and with every second, minute, hour and every day that passed there were little tests and opportunities that were missed. You would argue i set the bar over your head but you sat down and chose to not try at all instead.

My prayer is things are at the rock bottom at this moment so we can start to see life thru new eyes as we rise. No need to be together but life partners is what we are.

Truth be told. . . God saw this play out before we were ever born.

8/12/13

Life owes you what?

Some people stay playing the victim...looking for a handout...wanting help...wanting someone to say "poor baby"! Grow up and take care of it urself!! You created the mess you're in so why shouldn't you fix it yourself. Stop babying yourself. ..life doesn't OWE you anything except a LESSON!

Spiritually Excited

If you know me, even in the slightest. You know that I'm an emotional being. Well this past Sunday (7/7/13) was the best! My Apple joined our Church. I love that she came about that decision on her own! I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming.  Even more excited that she chose RLWC to plant her spiritual roots - I can't wait to see how this influences her life moving forward. To God be the glory and may he reap all of the praise! #RLWC

Doom is NOT coming. . .

I refer to it as the day my life will change either for better or for worse. I wonder if I have convinced myself all will be well. 03-22-2013. . .D-day. Decision day. Dooms day. Sentencing. A day we knew would come but postponed for many reasons. Some say what a testimony I am living. No testimony without a test, right? I wonder if the TEST is become independent. I wonder if the real TEST is to strengthen the foundation of my faith. I wonder why over the last year I've felt so annihilated, so alone, yet stronger than ever, more optimistic, felt an undeniable inner peace. I wonder how long can I put up this mask of super woman to the world. I wonder where is the real daughter, sister, mother, wife and friend I once was? I stay Wondering what will be the outcome of D-Day!